MOURNER'S KADDISH IN NISSAN OVER A CATHOLIC BOY WHO DIED IN APRIL

i am baffled by the mystery of your life
you sealed with a question mark in the
shape of a gun.
i am troubled by your sorrow,
by your young beautiful face still up,
soft blck hiar, soft heart,
i woudl suppose now gone,
now wrapped up in tendrils of not knowing
and the small forzen place,
where anger for god anger at god,
the tight no=knot in my head
of all these thigns that should
not be happening lives.
when i say the kaddish
for you who i never knew
who is as young as my little sisters,
hwo might have been my littele brother,
who wrapped himself in
smiles of secrecy,
i can hardly speak
yisgidal is the only thing i can say,
vayeskadesh is the only
song i pray, oseh shalom
the breath like the bullet
whole where life escapes
and God is the only word
every theology--jesus loves me--
stumbles about, hollow eyed
and mud mouth for an answer,
but aleinu god, shalom aleinu
is the only expression,
God is progression from
knowing little to moaning at the
knowing less, the broken, shuddering
confession that
i simply do not know.