this is life to me
to enter into that union where my tongue shocks
and delights you in your deepest parts
not to wait for you to rule
all of me
that is to fear my own choices
but that our voices might rise as one
in holy orgasm

only this i want
to eat passionately through to the
center of things

all of my dreams are haunted by insecurities
and dread of what i haven't kearned
what i can't earn
in the moment of baptism
we learn only this
to eat through to the center of things
to kiss god full and all over
to be his lover

the kingdom of god is for reprobates and
fools
i have to believe that it is simply not the
sort of place for safety
if you have spent a lifetime making yourself at home
in this world
you will not find a happy home in the next
there is something about people who spend time carving out
zion
that resist the signs of the real thing striking
the earth
come to me
all ye who are fucked up
and i will give you rest
all ye who are heavily pissed
and disappointed and find rest here for your souls
all ye who have skill and suspicion
to see the narrow gate past the bony fingers
of dull and unimaginative old white men
come
and then
find the bridegroom and rest

there is a reason it is a cross
only at the crossroads could there be
such a necessary meeting
i need to make peace with the world
and not just a dreary truce
i need to make love with the world
and acknowledge with true knowledge
that they knew not what they did
i hid myself in the river
i need to love
to forgive

i
am in love
and that is why my heart is broken
i
am in God
and that is why i am his temple
i
am a rug
that's why i am simple
and you can walk across me and be lost in all
my spirals
and my roses
this is where the world is
those are where galaxies live
this is all i have to give

this is the three o'clock in the morning
time which i live for. this is the end of all things
when i carry myself to bed,
carefully, like one on a more than acid trip
and in the wee hours, the whole world stretches and time
is like taffy and light is unending and darkness descends
into the dimness of two am
and then
i am amniotic floating into something
onto something
which is
the world of dreaming which is the world
of clear seeing
and maybe clear loving
for just one moment my red heart is exposed
will it ever end, will this be fulfilled
will the one i love come back to me?
and then i know
if it will be done, if will be done in this moment
if you were come back to me, it will have to be here
in the gold abyss or not at all
if there is to be a home it must be this
stretched out one, hot and pulled out,
burning like glass
seeing as God made the world at three
in the morning

i have gotten this place
solely that i might create places
i live in this space so i can walk
around in circles and i am still
learning after nearly two years
time to walk around in spirals
and i will keep walking them
and then, cross the red sea
i have come to this place to
work my practice
which is making perfect that
that the world bit into and flawed
flawed is a verb
flawed is the word i came to remedy
flawed is the beauty i seek
the meekness in me is only the lion
pretending

i will do the i ching
i will tell the cards
not for advice
or i will roll the dice
not to know what to do
but for a little temperance in what to do
i can no longer help myself
i need this
i do not know it can turn out
i have to do this
i am used, and i am free

sometimes praying about lets you know
it's just silly praying about
stop your donkey braying about it
you my love, know just what to do!

in doing what i know not what i do
drifting on the wind not
knowing what i do
seems to the way to love you

i am of a mind to dive
away from the mess but the mess
keeps growing. i would ignroe the torn heart
if it weren't so loud
the only cure for it is action
action is the only revelation
there is something to relieve this longing
than to speak the word
to speak a small word
surely, you know, i never felt like this.
the difference between today and yesterday
is the measure of the sorrow
and i would be a fool to think this will change
tomorrow
live with
the constant dull pain that makes the
world
or take action?
for the sake of love
in the name of love?
amen?
Amen

only yesterday
i was sad and lonely and it
was a hundred thousand years ago
i spent a stack of millenia waiting
fruit on these trees, rip'ning, falling, rotting
all the sweet smell, of useless wealth
and these breasts, heavy with so much to give
and the field was empty
and my heart was lonely
and only i sat, swelling, then wilting
in the waste country
this morning
it is not all about me
let me be wise
let me be kind
let me see it is not all about me
let my lips be wet with love
let me be absolutely stiff with compassion
the heart attack, the artery block of
fierce, fierce love
come down in fire
from your cherubim throne
and fill me lady
come down from your seat of glory
and glory, here in me
i am the house
i am your glory
all along
i have been your throne

w e t d r e a m

i love you so much because
i know who you are

this endless sharing, this mutual effection
speaking not face to face,
but mouth to energy
this deep pleasure and the geography of skin
the nursing of all needs
that is love
that is love in its most basic
unclincal sense
that is the bedrock desire
the fire
twisting of limbs
and the morning dew of funk and
perspiration
that is my prescription
for the healing of harms

the devil is just another name
for what you don't understand
my heart expands
believing in golden bibles
little by little i blow up
and the swelling is love
i wonder
the longer i believe
stranded on dry land
a bored and shrunken little man just
inches from babel
you made me a prophet and built me a dish
and said get in
be blown about
and so with unpronouncable name
and one glowing stone
i float
blown on the waters of you

i can think of nothing to say right now
only to be right now
cut me open and i will be
like a little russian egg
like one of those ladies
one inside the other

i can think of nothing to say right now
only to be right now
cut me open and i will be
like a little russian egg
like one of those ladies
one inside the other

i am happy to love you
i am happy to love anything
but all in the past has been this
fevered love
this grappling, worried love
i am so tired of loving stones
i am so glad for an easy love
uneasy as you may be
i mean, difficult as you may be
i mean as difficult as it may be for
me to get past these differences
because, as long--or as short--
as i have known you, everything
that matters has passed fast
and well... fast and well like
rivers between us
and that is enough

e c c l e s i a

i long to shut up
and be at peace again
i am trying to get to peace
again
but you won't let me
i am longing to get to you
again
where we once were
but you won't trust.
i saw
your original face hovering
over me
like the angel moroni
you were the cumorah:
i would incorporate you

ecclesia is a massive melting of the will

in the new age i shall be loved
we will encompass each other
you shall be loved
we shall be loved
with an intensity that blows up arizona

and the knives i've honed to stab
myself in the foot will be melted into
plowshares shoveling all this shit away

the juice is flowing
the need is rising
it can't be dammed
i am waiting to be struck
to be fucked
to give myself to you
this is the pregnancy
the long waiting
the waiting longing for
you who are the lover
of my dreams

i long to shut up
and be at peace again
i am trying to get to peace
again but you won't let me
i am longing to get to you
again
where we once were
but you won't trust.
i saw
your original face hovering
over me
like the angel
you were the cumorah
i would incorporate you
i will encompass all

in the new age i shall be loved
you shall be loved
we shall be loved
with an intensity that blows up arizona
and the knives i've honed to stab
myself in the foot will be melted into
plowshares shoveling all this shit away

i have bunkered down here
in the house on the edge of the world
waiting for the Last Day
in these days every name, every kiss
all pride shall be lost and soon,
after that,
will come the First Day
the day in which i love you
you don't have to go to church to find me
i'm bored and half asleep there anyway
the heart that is longing will
not search long
you will find me anywhere
i am in all places
i am always calling...
the long loneliness
like a belly growl
everything that separated, anything that
ever howled out horror is now
joining the us to the we
you to me
God's church is a roving thing
rising up like oil
sinking down,
disappearing
it comes where it wills
like a breath,
as a spirit
and none can say where it goes