transfiguration is holy work, no wonder i can't describe it
tranfiguration is awful work
no wonder saint john hides it
while sprinkling it through all his holy books
i
at a story i cannot explain, sit dull
eyed and slack mouthed
with the limits of my brain
moses and elijah again and again
coming up and down the son of man
like a ladder, the pitter patter
of baby angel feet
and we are all baby angels
and all our feet are walking across heaven
if for second, once space we see then
that truth
that is part of transformation
and if we can unclench these hands and
ungnash these teeth long enough to give
up the world
and gain our souls then in my summation
we have begun to enter transfiguration

THE 6TH OF AUGUST

we
have talked around you and over you and through you
but i
have not yet entered into you
lord, i am afraid
lord i am afraid every day
the little fear, and the big fear and the teeny
tiny fear
and i am aware of all these tiny tribulations
and that i long for transformation
i
do not like heights
i am not a climber or much of a walker
in this life
the things that matter
that have been about you
could never be written in books
or sung in the hooks of church hymns
or the hooks we try to put you in
you
are a whale
a behemoth a great jehovah
i am beholden to you for even the littlest bit
of sturdy you put into my jelly legs as
leaning on peter and hanging on saint john
i enter into this transfiguration




transfiguration is holy work, no wonder i can't describe it
tranfiguration is awful work
no wonder saint john hides it
while sprinkling it through all his holy books
i
at a story i cannot explain, sit dull eyed and slack mouthed
with the limits of my brain
moses and elijah again and again
coming up and down the son of man
like a ladder, the pitter patter
of baby angel feet
and we are all baby angels
and all our feet are walking across heaven
if for one second, one space we see then
that truth
that is part of transformation
and if we can unclench these hands and
ungnash these teeth long enough to give
up the world
and gain our souls then in my summation
we have begun to enter transfiguration

August 6th

in
the blink
of an eye and
the drop of a bomb
they were visited by
Armegeddon and the Last Day with a
burst of supersonic judgment
and i'll bet
that sixty-six thousand shintos knew--like
no catholic mumbling memoraraes ever
felt--the complete
and burning
cataclysmic power
of
Transfiguration

once you bent over and gave me what you had
which wasn't much, but which was enough
and has lasted
all this time
bending over on all fours, ass country wide
body stout
you gave the gift of need
and your cock in my mouth
the seed tasting of peanut butter was
the same
the name, the name
all in the name of lust and love

the truth is
my mind doesn't stop turning you over
it has turned over those perfect jeans
flawless ass
that symmetrical face
the lust inside of you
your desperation...

for all these years
i think of talking to you
walking with you
keep myself from stalking you
think of kissing you
mapping the geography
of your perfect flesh
missing you though we haven't met

He was beautiful with slate blue eyes
with little movements that mesmerized me and
I had to note, I had to admit
He was just as sweet looking as me
And the length of his whole body
Was fine like sugar, like white chocolate
And I was intoxicated
I dropped everything
For a sight of that perfect form
I twist about all night
Forlorn
For those beautiful slate blue eyes

There once was a sweet ice cold boy
face all hard, resisting joy for cheap sarcasm
he came to me for a taste of orgasm
How to get love, sweet boy
How with a face so hard?
How when you want to be so mean?
You think the glassy stare in your
eye is going to bring you love
Farmer sweet boy
country boy, bull big, country
assed boy
Don’t you know you’re my sweet boy?
Cover you in kisses my sweet boy
Tell you you’re delicious my sweet boy
Isn’t it a shame—baby boy?
Ain’t it a shame—my pride and joy
That you don’t know, oh boy
only you can steal your joy
Come and let me warm you
my cold boy
Come here and let me taste
My sweet boy

BLESSED LAMMAS

what i want
what i need
what i bleed for
is to be turned into this
virgin dynamo
into this burning
gnarling
living
engine of praise
prepare the old bodies
light the fire
make the blaze for our ecstatic dancing
last night i was romancing a beautiful
boy near twenty-three
for the first time i understood that
in you things are always more
and not less than you say
that though every set of lips around me
whispers falseness and all they
have is even less than plastic
your promises are.... elastic
are stretching forever
they are... ecstatic
they are beyond my dizzymost lust
and i am dickheavy with the knowledge
that, yes
you set a long and lovely table before
me
that beautiful young boy last night
with slate blue eyes was uttering prophecy
you set your flesh before me
you undress your love and i see
that one day within your mouth
is better than a thousand
shriveled up and frozen

heaven and earth go up and down
the ladder of our bodies
and this bed i sleep in is surely holy ground
i want to put away silly things
and play acts
i want to put away all of these masks
i want to sit and rest and stop roving
stop trying to plot and plan and scheme
when i could be making
when i could be making love and making out like a bandit
or like a daisy in the field, a little of the field,
clothed like solomon
all this time i've thought worrying was going something
all this time i knew scratching the scab was my responsibility
all if it meant was i could not sleep
all it meant was we could not sleep
or shave or breathe or drink without drunkeness
all it meant was we learned to live without jow
but i want to worship at this altar
i want to love you like a flower
i want to cook eggs in my kitchen
i want to lay down and whore
i want to fuck you on this floor
and live without inhibitions

i am not in love with anyone
i have let my self fall in love with everyone
i have decided, to day
to ask nothing
today i will claim rights to so little
today we will let everything be okay
i have always demanded love
i have always searched for the one
someone told me if i just looked he
would turn up
in church, in school, in shul
at a barbecue
in the wet eyes of sad lonely men
i looked for you
i do long to kiss you
i long to kiss myself
i long to lay right here alone
in the quiet secret of the heavy
global pleasure,
the secret hanging in my balls
the light in there
whispers here,
eveything you really need always comes
every love you need is only one

i know the only thing to fear is love
itself
when you kiss me with the kisses of
your mouth and set your seal upon me
it makes youth a glamour and
glamour all rot, all gold coins
turned to fairy leaves and fickle
you tickle me with the breath
of your dangerous kiss and burn me
to ashes
to be young is not enough you
say and then
you make a burning ground so i am
born again

i said i loved you
and didn't i vow that i'd do anything for
you touch
didn't i say i wanted you so much and yet
all this time i have tightened, not trusting
your entry
all this time i have frozen, and bristled
moving from your touch
all the world is your touch
everything comes from your fiery hand
voices above
on lighted wings command, cajole
they sing
listen to him
he brings... bliss
he brings more than you can ever dream
and it seems that i am still stuck here in all my plotting
and my planning
and my plodding
nodding off into stupidity
now
make me your burning ground
my black heart fiery for your joyful dancing
let me lie down for love and see
the happy advent of your
blazing entry

SORROW

ORISON

Don't let me die in the river,
like driftwood drenched to the bone
don't let me drown in the river,
don't let me die alone
don't let me die in the subway
a trashbag all i own
don't let me pass near mass transit
don't let me die alone
for those who die in clinics,
the cynics in pillared homes,
the poor and the poor little rich ones
whose money could not atone
for the scourge of dying loveless,
now let the Spirit moan,
while we light the altar votives
for those who die alone






on the edge of this frightful cup of tea
someone has lied to me
on the lip of eggs benedict and cigarettes
and good cheer
on the sunlight and the grin from ear to
ear i have been deceived
i have denied the tears in my eyes and the
ache in my ass
have resisted the pull of the long loneliness
didn't we forget that long before the ministers
of good cheer showed up
wise men heard the crying in the night and told
us
told us things that heal the same time they
rip the scar away
like father take this cup from me
like me buck naked, weeping, confessing
no longer proud
resting in a hope that cries are
heard
the restored word
jesus soggy in the garden saying
i am sick unto death
like Rumi dancing dervish saying
the only cure for the pain
is in the pain...

There you kissed me under that tree
in that spot you set your burning seal upon me

i am resolved to be a lover of men
a kisser of men
a stroker of them
i am resolved to be attentive to
them
i am resolved to pay attehtion to their small
smiles
under worn denim the roundness of thighs
the tentative look in their eyes
i am resolved to pay attention to
the buttons of men
in dress shirts for the office
the buttings in of insecure men
the buttocks of men, the miracle bottoms
and then
i am resolved to be a luster of men
a smiler at men
more patient with men
i am resolved to be lovely to them
and the lovely hair going up and down their arms
i am resolved to ce a connoisuer of men
a feeler of men
a romantic all night stroker of me
i have chosen to be a taster of men
a am not a lover of men
a licker of them
i have

MAGDALENE

oh saint magdalene
teach me to stand alone at the door
waiting the beloved
clothed only in my own sexiness
love and longing
teach me the strength of love
and love that's found in
standing
still and solid and wholly me
there is a trinity in this flesh
teach me the life and death of
jesus
in every curve of your sacred
flesh

at three o clock in the morning
it becomes apparent
every face of everyone i've met
becomes transparent
and i know that all we've ever done
and all we've ever been
so offensive
is to mask the truth that you
and i and we...
we are all terrified
this world we have made
our parents made
someone made
that was no begotten
is rotten with trap doors
and we have whispered poison into the ears
of our children as was done to us
if you were right here i would love you
i would pour you my last cup of tea
and we could sit right here till five o'clock
to see the sunrise
and brave another day

don't you dare tell me not to love your scars...

satiation
after the long untouching
the kiss
the body touch at last
who knew i was this fragile
i knew
i am just skin
and bones and
a mass of nerve endings
forget divine
i am simply trying to be
human

i don't know how to be coy anymore
cuteness will not save me
class does not matter
i am the screaming man and the
lustful crucifixion
i am forsaken by any kind of god who
sat in heaven with an old beard judging
he has forsaken me
i am with venus
i am with the wine on the sponge to my mouth
i've no class, i am open, spread eagle
come with your holy cock
it is the most sacred rock i know
fill me
split me
fuck me

day after day i cry out for some
type of touch
after the long lovelessness i am
a dry and weary valley
and living with myself
living all alone with every lust and
longing reverberating off these
cavern windows this body knows
this body waits
this body will take any naked body
any man stripping off in this kitchen
any kiss
ah
not true
this body waits for you
this seaside harlot
this venus priests is primed
waiting for the time when you
and only you will open the door,
and put myrhh on the door
and make me the door, and cross
the floor
and lean over, and place your seal on my brow
and on my chest
and on the nest of hair that awaits your diving bird
and its seed

now i know what it is like to come
through the long shadow
to wish to be touched, to cry
out for even a slap
to be slapped, to be kissed
to be abused
even to be used
there is, in this darkness
the deepest of needs
right now, in this lonely
season we are
all greedy
we are all the open wound
the open mouth
waiting for any food

all through the night i walk through brambles
i am not the first to do this
god knows not the last
everyone is together in this loneliness
everyone is together on this thistle path

FUCK ii

you search me and you know me and
how well you know me
you know how i long to get that touch
that push
that punishing kiss
that welcome invasion of the house inside
and you to slide
and slide
in ecstatic perspiration in creation
of the holy spirit
we make
when you take breaths and gasps and clasps
and pounding of fist
when you are inside me
and i'm in you and me and so
like bonded, pushing rushing
russian dolls with mouths open
in constant O
and muscles strained in the ow of opening
i want you
to crush me
i want you
to pound me into china
into the tomb
into resurrection
in the ejaculation
in the slower of the white
seed
is my only salvation

on the other side of bullshit
i love you
past the rubble of lying
and trying i cling to you
i cling with a looseness that is
not clinging
that is something like impossible patient
hanging, like the leaf that lasts all winter
i hold with the love
of holding
i flow in a secret part of me that knows no
fear
this part is so fucking secret half the time
she is even hidden from me
hidden from me
hidden
coming to you
echoing in you
all around you
sometimes when your hands touches mine
when i touch your bony bone, your clavicle
when i run my fingers across the whiter scar on
your infinite, thin white
coyote belly
cowbody belly
i think i know you
in the smelling of your breath
i think i know you
in the entrance to your house
i know i know you
past purgatory and taxes and religions
all about fear
and not about God i know you
and i love you
and i kiss you
and i hold you
and i squeeze you
and i love you
and i chide you
then i fuck you
and i love you

if you are graceful
if you will be graceful to me
then soon you will teach me to remember
to forget all the shit i've seen
america is a dream of piss and night
mares and strivign and disatisfaction
and all the noise noise noise we've heard
all this time time time
is just the result of two hundred years of
noise
two hundred years of prophets dressed in
bearskins and boys wih golden bibles
bulshitting about how in the woods they
saw the father and the son and the father
and the son told them they were lovely,
told him he ws holy
we all feel so goddamn ugly we just want
anyone to tell us we are pretty
we all feel so afraid we just want
anyone to sooth us
even if the soothing sucks
even if it sucks all our minds away
we just want it all to go away and
feel a little peace
at least
i pray
let me have the peace
of the lonely little old man in cuba
rolling his cigars

i want to be at the end of the
loudness
i want to stand on the edge
of foolish places
i want to sit at the end of
this light violence
right now we are at the strife
before the strife
now, i pray, let us not reach
the second violence
god, all of these little,
little bombs
may they be the end of foolishness
before its beginning
we are forgetting and forgetting
may we be remembering
love

this morning i think of you
in this bed beside me
the length of your emtire
body
i think of running my
hand across your perfect
scars, the loveliness of
the marred flesh,
kissing ever scrape
and scratch
and bruise, finding love
in all your hurts
surely these are the wounds
endured for my salvation

my mind has been troubled
i have been to weary, too busy, to frightened
to lost in the woods to even dream of
lusting for you
all of that, the kiss to your perfect skin
the hand on your lovely body
the unlocking of all the pornographic secrets
that save the world:
these have momentarily been lost
i wander in a strange land with
the recollection of a more glorious place
be the key of knowledge
in kiss, in touch, restore to me
the memory of your perfect ivory
body
of your read and brown paradise
your cocoa heaven
i need the leaven of the beautiful bedroom
to rise away from shallow talk of romance
and talk of this and talk of that
and chat and endless talk
the only thing we need right now
is the sweat
and the fury
and the fire
and in this salvation none of the old things shall
be left
nay, least of all, decency

you need to love me here
in the midst of fears and worries andstomach tightenings
every twitch of the floor like
lightning moving through me
conceived in dread and made on a bed of sweat
and suffering
i don't know any other way
no one knows any other way
everything we say has pricked hairs upon it
you need to love me
i need to love you
we need this strongly
we must do a thing. we must do....
something.
every little thing is falling down
about our ears
it would be good to say all is well, all is well
it would be...
naive
it would be...
simple
it would be... it will be our death
you and i botn know there is a disease
you and i both know every bit of music, every noise is just a bad
dollar store band aid for the diesease
you and i both know something must be done
bible reading must be done
or is fucking that must be done
or obedience
love...
love must be done
love is the fire that burns sickness
love is the iron that strengthens the beam
love is the only cure for the disease
you...
loving me

you have finally begun to kiss me
with the kisses of your mouth
it must be that you were always
doing this and i was always blinded
you have loved me with the love of
your heart and of your perfect
body and now i know i am your
perfect body and this
knowing
is love